Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
