I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
