no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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