UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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