I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
