did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
