Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
