HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
two words...techno handjob
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
