I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
