Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
