She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
