? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
