Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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