Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
