I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
