Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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