I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
