It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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