I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
