You made me cry and you don't even care
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just pee around me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
