I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
