Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
