We won't sleep together?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
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