She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
No more Irish car bombs ever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Randomize
