Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so let's talk penis.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Randomize
