I want to stick my p in your. b.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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