I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
