Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
