I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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