I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
