It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
