I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
