and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
