I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
