she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
