Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I could make wine with my vomit
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
