those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
