cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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