I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I stole a fireplace last night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
