She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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