I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
