what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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