no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
