can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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