his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
