I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
