Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
