How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
