On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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