Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
