she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
