I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
