just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
